He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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