do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize