The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
