A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
