New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
