"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it glows. i had to have it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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