hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
