well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
