you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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