help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
