Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
