Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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