Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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