Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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