What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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