Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
