I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
pray to the hookup gods
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
