i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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