One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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