Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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