babies were throwing up all over the place
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize