you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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