Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
