"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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