and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
