dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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