Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
