I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
