I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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