My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
