I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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