So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
