She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your cock deserves a montage
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
