i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We don't watch enough power rangers
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
