Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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