Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize