Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
