Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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