I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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