i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
