Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
