There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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