it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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