Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
