The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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