So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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