I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
