Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
