Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
