what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
