I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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