oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
