Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm at about main and main street
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
