i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
