TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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