It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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