You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
