He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
