fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
