she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
