Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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