She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
