Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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