Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
