Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
