i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize