just tell him i said nine months
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we're making bets on your personal life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
