If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
