If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
