So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
