just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
