You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize