new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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