the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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