don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I need a beard to bite.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize