I want to have your abortion
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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