She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
